What Are You Willing to Do? – Put your money where your mouth is!

I woke up in such a funk on Sunday.  As I rolled over and pulled up the covers, I felt a little down.  Thoughts flashed through my mind.  I hadn’t felt like this in a long time and I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling blue.  The feeling lingered most of the day.  I was gentle with myself.  I ordered a pizza and lounged around, watching classic movies.  I thought about the marketplace.  I did better than I expected though I didn’t hit my target.  I didn’t feel any exuberance or delight just relief that it was over.  By the end of the day, I recognized that I was feeling empty.  For the last month, I was focused on preparing for the marketplace.  I surprised myself with the amount of time and energy I readily poured into that project and now it’s over.  What will I focus on next?  Do I need a project to keep feelings of emptiness at bay?

Monday was better.  I started tidying the house and mentally reviewing the marketplace experience. People that I knew stopped by hoping I had photographs.  I didn’t.  I was surprised that the scarves were the big sellers.  I sold 2 sets of photo decal dishes and a sushi platter I painted years earlier.

I concluded that if I want to try to earn money through craft-type shows; I’ll have to participate in more than one show a year, I’ll need the capital to buy materials, pay fees and cover expenses and I need to ask more questions.  Had I known that I wasn’t going to get paid right away; I would have charged more of my expenses instead of paying out of my checking account.  After expenses, I’ll net about 7% of the gross.  I don’t know if this is a good return or not but I felt disappointed when I realized how “much” I would pocket.  I wondered if the return was worth the time and energy I invested.  I thought about the fact that if I want to earn money this way, I may not realize a profit or steady income for a while.  Duh!  As these thoughts rolled through my mind, I could hear my brother saying “the only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.”  His statement played in a loop as I finished my chores.

I finally sat down.  I didn’t see it coming.  The Voice began pelting me with questions and comments.

Voice:  “What are you willing to do?

Me: “What do you mean?

Voice:  What are you willing to do to have your dream realized?  What did you expect?  Did you think that just because you set a goal that it’s going to materialize?  How much money did you hope to make?  Did you think that you would make enough money to last the rest of the year, your life? Did you think that once would be enough?

You seem to have forgotten that your participation is required.  You have to take the steps that will lead to your dream. You must ask yourself if you’re willing to take the journey.  The journey may not be easy or quick.  There’s no guarantee that you won’t encounter obstacles, delays or disappointments.  If you are patient and allow your intuitive and analytical skills to guide you, you’ll be okay.

I hadn’t thought about it but it was true.  I believe that I did think that everything would fall into place and all I had to do was sit back, dream, and believe.  I don’t know what I was thinking or if I was thinking.  I wasn’t just given things as a child or as I grew up because I wanted it.  I have no idea why I didn’t think about the work that would be required.  I’m a relatively enlightened person yet it seemed like this was a new concept.  I can’t twitch my nose, or fold my arms and blink.  I don’t have a magic wand nor can I pull a rabbit out of a hat.  Yet, I expected my “dream” to magically appear.

I began to get my mind around it all and I realized the weight of the question.  It was daunting to realize that I hadn’t given any thought to how I was going to achieve any of the dreams I listed and that I am solely responsible for achieving them.  There’s no victim here.  It’s up to me.  “What am I willing to do?”

As I got ready for bed, I asked what the relationship is between this question and the others.  A gentle sense of understanding was whispered into my mind.  What do you want to do is about taking action.  What do you want is about dreams and desires.  What are you willing to do is about commitment.

I got it.  I am being asked how committed I am to making my dreams come true.  I felt fear as I contemplated answering that question.  I had a long and sorted relationship with the concept of commitment.  It wasn’t until late 2008 that I discovered the depth of my phobia.  I’ll just say that my dysfunctional relationship with commitment is a story in itself.

The more I thought about it all, the more I realized.  I have dreams that are nothing more than dreams.  I have no intention of working towards them.  I have dreams that I’m willing to work towards.  I need to make sure that the goals I set are based on dreams that I want to see actualized.  I need to give shape and form to my dreams and not just make airy-fairy statements.  I need to define what a dream means to me, how it would look and feel and how it could be accomplished.  Once I’ve done that, I’ll be better prepared to answer “What I Want,” “What I’m Willing to Do,” and “What I Want to Do.”

Until recently, it was like I was watching a movie of my life.  I was more of an observer than a participant.  I had the power to dream but not the power to manifest those dreams.  Now, I feel like I’m a fully integrated consciousness.  I am a participant.  I have the power to dream and manifest those dreams.  I understand that I am being given an opportunity to choose some of my life’s destinations and experience wondrous journeys.  I know there are people living their dreams.  I want to be one of those persons.  I’m going to take some quiet time and tend to my dreams.

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About Michele

I describe myself as an "Intuitive Medium." I possess a heightened level of extra-sensory perceptive skills and I am able to communicate with "unseen" energies of consciousness. I have faced many challenges but I have been able to use these skills as tools to help me learn and grow. I think of conscious awareness as the “pause” between heartbeats. It’s a split second opportunity to be in control, to think and decide what is the appropriate response in any situation. This blog is a chronicle of my journey to living a more consciously aware, thoughtful, life.

Posted on November 25, 2011, in Spirituality and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Amazing to see a portrait of yourself painted in somebody else’s words. This is so much my story – the dreams without the necessary action to actualize them – the committment phobia. I thought I’d broken the wicked witch’s spell this year with more committment to my work than I’ve ever shown, but reading what you said, I realize I fear the steps I would need to take to actualize my biggest dream. Am I brave enough to have what I really want? You’ve given me a lot of food for thought. Thanks so much for this post. Will tweet and share it on Facebook.

    • J.P.
      Welcome. It took a long time for me to step out and share my life and challenges in a public forum. Your comment shows me that we all have more in common than we know.
      I checked out your website and I am both honored and flattered that you found inspiration in my message and that you shared it with your Twitter and Facebook community.
      Thanks…

  2. Hi Michele!
    Your writing is compelling.
    What I see happening is that, as you continue to discover who you really are through this never ending process of life, and continue to ask the questions that really matter, your book will unfold.

    Questions of a modern day mystic… what about this?

    As I told you when you came for sound healing, I’m so excited about this relationship and it happens to be that I’ve been focusing on healing ALL my relationships for the past TEN years. Consistently, day and night, through journal writing, praying, letting go, forgiving, etc.

    Now I’m so grateful that I’ve been doing all this holy work, and it never ends.
    Just as I begin this journey with Ron, being welcomed by his family, I see the need to be even more careful, aware, and also, enjoy the wonderful moments that they share with me.

    My life is a never ending lesson… lately I’ve chosen to see it also as a way to play and learn in more joyful ways by seeing the humor in it. It helps me to laugh when I’m feeling down.

    I love what you are doing and look forward to hearing a lot more from you!

    By the way, the holiday was a treasure. We saw two wonderful movies:
    A the Red Box movie theatre “The women living on the 6th floor” (French)
    and at a local theatre “HUGO”. Must see them both. They each brought out of me every emotion I know.

    The gratitude in my heart cannot be expressed in words. I’m so happy that we’ve connected again and to be able to share these delightful moments… mmm…

    Happy Monday!
    Namaste, with Love Yolanda

    • Thank you, sweet Yolanda for your kind, generous and supportive words and for the healing that you bring through the beauty of your voice and the crystal bowls. I look forward to spending more of my Friday nights with you. I wish you and Ron the best and it keeps me hopeful that one day my prince will come along.
      Love & Light

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