Monthly Archives: December 2011

A New Me, New Perspective, & New Year

This week was the calm after the storm.  There were no emotional eruptions or tidal waves to ride.  I was grateful.  I wondered how the revelations of the past two weeks affected me.  No sooner then I mentally formed the questions; the answers began to reveal themselves.

I was out running errands when I noticed that traffic was light for a Saturday.  All of the sudden I was aware of how I try to avoid something as unimportant as holiday shopping traffic.  It was the first time I’d heard from the Voice since the emotional eruptions and tidal waves began.

Voice:  The beliefs that began forming when you were 4 years old had you avoiding anything that might cause you any kind of discomfort.  Basically, they were trying to get you to avoid life.  Traffic and disappointments are part of life.  They’re part of living.  In order to avoid them, you have to avoid life.

Wow, is that what I’d been trying to do?  Had I subconsciously been influenced into trying to avoid living, avoiding life?  Was that the intention of those beliefs?  Was that their modus operandi? Read the rest of this entry

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Riding Emotional Waves

Last week I dealt with the false beliefs that had me feeling that I was unwanted, unloved, unwelcomed and an intruder.  I was determined to face them head-on.  I decided I would call my brother and invite myself over.  I saw it as an opportunity to be courageous, take action, face my fears, prove them to be false and that they were only true in my mind and heart but not in the minds and hearts of others.  Before I had a chance to take any action, my brother called and invited me over for dinner.  I was ecstatic and relieved.  The Universe was benevolent and showered me with grace.   Instead of my needing to take action, others were encouraged to act.  I took it as a sign that my recognition and acknowledgement of these long existing beliefs and emotions was the lesson I needed to learn.  No other action was required of me.  My brother’s invitation and the resulting evening demonstrated how incorrect my beliefs and feelings were.  I was overwhelmed with the beauty and simplicity of our gathering.  I was happy to be in the company of my sister-in-law’s brother as well as the rest of the family.  Like the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz, those false beliefs and emotions melted away like they too had been dowsed with a bucket of water.  I went home with my heart smiling and lighter in spirit.  Little did I know that it was the beginning not the end. Read the rest of this entry

Strange Emotional Space

I was in a strange emotional space this past week.  I noticed when I woke up Tuesday morning I had a feeling of foreboding.  Not quite anxiety or fear.  By Wednesday, it was full blown.  I recognized I was experiencing emotions from an earlier time in my life.  Various images began flashing through my mind’s eye.  I realized that the images were from my 10th year of life.  It was as if I was reliving that year.  The feelings were so strong, I thought if closed my eyes I would be transported back in time.  I couldn’t quite pinpoint exactly what I was feeling because it seemed like I was feeling everything.  I knew the time of the images so I began combing through my memories. Read the rest of this entry

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