A New Me, New Perspective, & New Year

This week was the calm after the storm.  There were no emotional eruptions or tidal waves to ride.  I was grateful.  I wondered how the revelations of the past two weeks affected me.  No sooner then I mentally formed the questions; the answers began to reveal themselves.

I was out running errands when I noticed that traffic was light for a Saturday.  All of the sudden I was aware of how I try to avoid something as unimportant as holiday shopping traffic.  It was the first time I’d heard from the Voice since the emotional eruptions and tidal waves began.

Voice:  The beliefs that began forming when you were 4 years old had you avoiding anything that might cause you any kind of discomfort.  Basically, they were trying to get you to avoid life.  Traffic and disappointments are part of life.  They’re part of living.  In order to avoid them, you have to avoid life.

Wow, is that what I’d been trying to do?  Had I subconsciously been influenced into trying to avoid living, avoiding life?  Was that the intention of those beliefs?  Was that their modus operandi?

As the week passed, I began recognizing the characteristics of those old false beliefs by recognizing what was absent and what was new.  I saw there were two distinct belief sets, created at ages 4 and 10, they were connected and as a result, I saw how they influenced what I believed about myself and my relationship with the world.  When I was 4 years old, I began believing that I had no connection to the people around me.  (Why I felt that way about the living not the dead, I don’t know, at least not yet.)  With that as a seed belief, I went on to create the false beliefs that I was unwanted, unloved, unlovable, an intruder, etcetera.  By the time I was 10 years old, those beliefs were firmly rooted in my subconscious.

Over the course of my life, I had been operating under the misperception that I wasn’t really connected with anyone.  There were no relationships.  I created fairy tales of what my relationships would be like if I were in them.  I hoped and dreamed for them.  All the while, I had been in relationships.  I didn’t recognize them for what they were because I didn’t believe I could connect with anyone.  I was the child that was desperate for a meaningful connection, a relationship, to be loved, accepted, etcetera.

Now I was given an opportunity to slay those false beliefs.  I looked them straight in the eye and told them they were a lie, full of shit and I wasn’t going to allow them to influence me anymore.  I told them they played their role magnificently and whatever lesson they had to teach me, I can only hope I learned.  Their time had come to an end.  It was time for their destruction.

I feel free.  I feel as if I’ve been disentangled from every equation.  A person’s behavior is no longer a statement about me but a statement about themselves.  It’s not a reflection of my character but a projection of theirs’. Connections and relationships are no longer one sided with me giving more than my fair share.  They’re a collaborative effort.  I find myself evaluating all of my connections and relationships.  My Dad once said, “I see you giving, giving, and giving.  Where’s the reciprocity? I see no reciprocity.”  Due to my new understanding and awareness, I have clarity.  I am looking at my connections and my relationships.  I am evaluating whether they are real and true.  Is there any reciprocity?  I hadn’t realized it but I felt obligated to try and maintain relationships.  I figured that out because there are some relationships that I don’t feel obligated to maintain any longer.  For me, to no longer feel obligated means that I use to feel obligated, whether or not I knew it.  I no longer feel obligated to try and maintain any connections and/or relationships that don’t feed and/or uplift my spirit.  It doesn’t matter if it’s with a family member, friend, or acquaintance.  I have a choice.  I want reciprocity.

I had the courage and strength to face the old beliefs and step into a new and less encumbered future.  I feel like I’m seeing the truth of people, relationships and situations for the first time.  I no longer see through the perceptions and fairy tale dreams of my younger wounded selves.  The veils have been lifted.  I have reached a new level of understanding.

The other day I was at my parents’ house.  Not much has changed.  Over the years, I’ve made decorating suggestions but my mother does what she wants when she wants.  I was never allowed to decorate (paint or modify the fixtures) my bedroom.  This visit, I realized that it is my parents’ home not mine.  I had the privilege of living and growing up there but it’s not my home.  After that realization surfaced, I felt no anger or hurt feelings.  That’s appropriate because it’s not about me or my decorating tastes.  It’s about my parent’s home and what they wanted.  That’s the way it should be and I’m fine with that.  Believe me when I say that’s a new perspective for me.

I noticed that I am attending to my responsibilities with a new sense of energy & motivation.  I feel like I’m in the flow of life that I am living.

I believe that things don’t happen to me, they happen for me.  They happen so I can grow in love and understanding.  It begins with me loving and understanding myself.  These past two emotional eruptions and tsunamis didn’t just happen.  Every decision I’ve made and action I’ve taken led to this showdown.  Is it synchronicity that it happened at the end of the calendar year?  Of course it is.  There are no coincidences.

I don’t want to try to imagine what I might experience in 2012.  Back in February, my favorite spiritualist told me that I would be getting things in order by the end of 2011 and I was going to be successful.  I had no conscious idea about what I could experience both internally and externally the remainder of the year.  It’s the 31st of December and just a couple of weeks ago I was in Havana and 10 weeks ago, I started a blog and a prosperity program.  I’m still in awe.  I know whatever lies ahead I have a new perspective, a renewed mind, energy and motivation.  I have courage and strength.

Happy New Year!

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About Michele

I describe myself as an "Intuitive Medium." I possess a heightened level of extra-sensory perceptive skills and I am able to communicate with "unseen" energies of consciousness. I have faced many challenges but I have been able to use these skills as tools to help me learn and grow. I think of conscious awareness as the “pause” between heartbeats. It’s a split second opportunity to be in control, to think and decide what is the appropriate response in any situation. This blog is a chronicle of my journey to living a more consciously aware, thoughtful, life.

Posted on December 31, 2011, in Spirituality and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Comments Off on A New Me, New Perspective, & New Year.

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