Monthly Archives: February 2012
Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve continued to address issues in my life that I haven’t quite understood yet I wanted to change. I looked into the whys of my idle behavior and my resistance to opening my mail (snail and email.)
I learned that my idleness came in part from how, as a child, I emotionally identified and connected with my Dad, the introvert, the loner. After work, he’d come home and relax, sit in front of the TV with a drink and his cigarettes. Subconsciously, I decided this was the life model I was going to use once I became an adult and boy, oh boy did I.
Regarding my resistance to dealing with correspondence, I was shown an earlier lifetime in which I received a letter with “heartbreaking” news. I blamed the letter and never opened another one. I was able to talk to that fragment of myself and explain the various ways that people now communicate and that it’s more likely that “heartbreaking” news is now received via a phone call than a letter. I explained that the letter was blamed for the message. You know, don’t kill the messenger. I obviously carried that pain forward as a fear and it manifested in this life as a reluctance to check my mail and eventually email. I often wondered why I felt fear especially when it came to email. It was interesting to learn the reason behind the why.
I was talking with my Mom after the last post and she raised a question that has definitely given me food for thought: When you know why you feel a certain way about something, does the knowing trump the feeling? Do you go with what you know or how you feel? Read the rest of this entry