Feeling versus Knowing – What Do You Choose When Fear is Involved?
Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve continued to address issues in my life that I haven’t quite understood yet I wanted to change. I looked into the whys of my idle behavior and my resistance to opening my mail (snail and email.)
I learned that my idleness came in part from how, as a child, I emotionally identified and connected with my Dad, the introvert, the loner. After work, he’d come home and relax, sit in front of the TV with a drink and his cigarettes. Subconsciously, I decided this was the life model I was going to use once I became an adult and boy, oh boy did I.
Regarding my resistance to dealing with correspondence, I was shown an earlier lifetime in which I received a letter with “heartbreaking” news. I blamed the letter and never opened another one. I was able to talk to that fragment of myself and explain the various ways that people now communicate and that it’s more likely that “heartbreaking” news is now received via a phone call than a letter. I explained that the letter was blamed for the message. You know, don’t kill the messenger. I obviously carried that pain forward as a fear and it manifested in this life as a reluctance to check my mail and eventually email. I often wondered why I felt fear especially when it came to email. It was interesting to learn the reason behind the why.
I was talking with my Mom after the last post and she raised a question that has definitely given me food for thought: When you know why you feel a certain way about something, does the knowing trump the feeling? Do you go with what you know or how you feel?
In the case of my idle behavior, there’s no emotional component, no hot button, no fear. Knowing showed me the why and little by little, I’ve begun to replace idle time with more productive endeavors. It may not have been an emotional hot button but I feel a sense of pride when I’m doing something other then “ass-ing” out the couch. I’m eliminating one of the things that I’ve used to beat myself up about.
With the mail/correspondence issue, there is an emotional component, a fear. It’s a fear that I will receive some type of “upsetting” news. The news could be anything from the death of a loved one to a bill that I can’t pay. The fear hasn’t completely gone away. I still feel it, to a degree, when I sit down to check my mail and that might be part of the problem. In the previous lifetime, I was sitting at a desk when I opened and read the letter. Today, when I open my mail, I’m either sitting at my kitchen table or computer desk. Maybe if I change the setting, the fear will diminish and eventually dissolve. I don’t check my mailbox or email every day but I am checking both more frequently. Regardless, this is a case where knowing why I have the resistance has helped. I’m facing my fear and moving forward.
Regarding Mom and the dog, the knowing why hasn’t diminished nor extinguished the fearful emotions. There are days that I feel more overwhelmed than I did before. This fear is so deep, much deeper than the mail issue. I hoped that knowing would help but it hasn’t and there are times that I find myself obsessing about it. I try squelching the fearful images & feelings by focusing on a positive affirmation or repeating “Relax and Let Go.”
I’ve always been under the impression that our feelings are our truest gauge and that it is best to go with how we feel. Now, I’m at a loss. I’ve been asking myself: Am I experiencing the False Expectations Appearing Real syndrome? How do I ignore my feelings? Is there a time when it’s better to go with what I know even though it is the polar opposite of how I feel? Are my feelings an accurate gauge of what actions I should take, if I know that what I’m feeling is based on some type of fear?
Maybe this is a life test and I have no idea or inkling of its significance in my spiritual growth, my growth in consciousness. Maybe this is my Abraham and Isaac moment.
Posted on February 27, 2012, in Spirituality and tagged conscious living, fear, growth, inspirational, life, personal development, Self-Help, spiritual, spirituality, trime4sighs. Bookmark the permalink. Comments Off on Feeling versus Knowing – What Do You Choose When Fear is Involved?.