Some stories are told as they unfold and others are told after they end. I chose to wait until I arrived at logical point in the story. It hasn’t ended yet.
I don’t know what it is about the month of May but for the past couple of years, it seems to be the month that begins some type of life lesson. It’s been almost a year since my life took an unexpected turn. For my Ego, it was unexpected. For my Soul, nothing is unexpected. Everything was and is as it should be. Just because I have no conscious awareness of the reason(s) why, it doesn’t mean that anything in life is ever truly unexpected.
I am an Intuitive. There are pros and cons to being a sensitive. One of the cons is that I can see the dynamics at work in other people’s life with greater clarity than I sometimes have with my own life. Some of the pros are I have never questioned the existence of a life other than this physical one and I have a different perspective, hence the title of this blog, on the reason for this life that we are experiencing. That being said, whenever I find life presenting an unexpected challenge the questions I ask myself are; What lesson(s) is this situation presenting and how can my Soul grow through this experience. This perspective gives me the wherewithal to allow the process to unfold and reveal to me the lesson(s) to be learned. My intuitive skills do not enable me to sail through life unscathed. This past year had me questioning my own perception skills and why they seemed to fail me. My perspective gives me strength while I seem to be lost in my Ego’s confusion and it was a powerful tool in dealing with this past year. As time moved on, I was shown why my skills “seemed” to fail me and what streams of consciousness needed to be changed. Read the rest of this entry →
These past three weeks have been filled with what I can best describe as life changing insights. Not all of them brought a new awareness. Some were reminders of things I had forgotten. They all felt connected. Last week, the connection revealed itself.
Within hours of publishing my last post, the first insight arrived. As I read the post, I knew the choices I would make. For years, when I needed to make a decision and I felt fear, I eventually chose to face the fear. Fear was a “green” light not a “stop” light. In one instance, it took 2 years for me to face a fear. I took the leap of faith and I don’t regret it for a minute. There’s no reason for me to change my approach, now. I can only conclude, I was so caught up in the fears I was experiencing, I forgot how I handled fear in the past. At some point, after remembering my approach to fear, I noticed I no longer felt any emotional stings. The feelings had faded away. I had an awareness of the fear but I no longer felt the sting. Knowing what created the fears helped but it didn’t erase or stop the feelings. It was my remembering I have a method for handling fear that stopped the feelings. Once the fearful emotions are gone, fear loses its power and it becomes a conquerable opponent. I went to church the following Sunday and the message spoke to me. It was about “Nonresistance.” It validated what I knew to be true; “stop resisting.” I enjoyed the message so much I bought the book it was based on.
The next insight arrived courtesy of my dog. He has issues with noises. Someone suggested I try using treats to get him use to the sound of hand clapping. Well, that wasn’t a good idea. Just a couple hand claps sent him into such stress that we lost some of the ground we made over the last 2 years. It took almost 2 weeks for him to recover and trust me again. I spoke with my sister-in-law and she advised me to accept that he has P.T.S.D. and he’ll never get use to certain sounds. Accept, now that’s a novel idea. The following morning, I woke up lamenting some decisions and before I knew it, I received the following proposition:
Voice: What if you accepted that your life and everything you’ve experienced has played out as it was supposed to? What if you accepted that regardless of what advice you did or didn’t follow, it wouldn’t have made any difference, you would have had the same experience? Can you accept that? What would change, if you accepted that everything is as it is meant to be? What if you accepted there is no right or wrong choice and it wasn’t the decision that mattered but how you handled the results of it? Read the rest of this entry →
I attended a 3 day SelfQuesting™ workshop, a couple of weeks ago. When my friend told me about it, there was an energy behind her words that got my attention. I was fixated. It was enticing and inviting. I didn’t experience the energy, when I checked out the website. I began to wonder if I made the best decision.
It had been awhile since I heard from the Voice. About a week before the workshop, the Voice spoke.
Voice: You’ve got to feel the pain to heal the pain.
Voice: You’ve’ got to feel the pain to heal the pain.
I began wondering what painful episodes I would have to visit in order to heal them. I tried to remember as many as I could. Would it be one of them?
The first day, I questioned the workshop’s power and I wondered if it would have any impact on my life. When I got home, I had messages from Mom and a cousin. All of the sudden, I felt the rawness of my emotions. I felt exposed and vulnerable. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I got into a tug-of-war with myself. I know how Mom gets when I take longer to get back to her than she’s comfortable with. The longer it took, the more anxious she would become. I considered my options. I could call and tell her that I didn’t feel like talking and I’d call her back later but why call to say that I didn’t want to talk? I was making a sandwich, when it hit me. I went down an unexpected emotional path. I felt that my Mom’s emotional needs were supposed to be more important to me than my own and I had to choose between my needs and her’s. I lost my appetite. I couldn’t eat. I took the time I needed and eventually called her.
I wanted to know why I felt that way. What happened that led me to believe that Mom’s emotional needs were supposed to be more important to me than my own? I recognized that I have struggled with this feeling before. I was able to work through it all, the next day in the workshop. I no longer questioned its power or what impact it would have on my life.
I learned how to take an issue and trace it to its root cause, to its inception. From there, I can bring light to it, release it and any other persons involved and recover that part of myself that had been reliving the same incident ad infinitum. Since the workshop, I’ve had the opportunity to identify and heal a few issues. Things that use to be hot-button issues no longer have an emotional sting. I realized that the upheaval I experienced at the end of 2011 was only the beginning. Now that certain issues had come to light, it was time to address the ones that needed healing. It wasn’t enough to know how I felt. I needed to know what happened. It’s one thing to work with managing my emotions when my buttons get pushed. It’s another to actually disarm them. I understood, “You have to feel the pain to heal the pain.”
I began setting intentions to heal unresolved issues. One of the intentions was to heal the hot-button issues in my relationship with Mom. We have a really good relationship. She’s my treasured friend and confidant. In spite of all that, like any relationship, we have our issues.
While addressing an issue, I usually get images. Some are memories. I experience them with such clarity that it is as if it is happening in that moment. There was the day that Dad talked to us about grandma’s cancer diagnosis. He said that he couldn’t tell us not to smoke because he smokes. Mom interrupted him, pointing a finger at each of us, and said “Don’t smoke. Don’t smoke. Don’t smoke.” Some are metaphorical images that illustrate the way I feel and act. There was an image of a courtroom with Mom on trial. I was trying to get her to plead guilty to various charges. It was painful to see and even more painful when I accepted that I indeed treat her in that manner. I wanted her to be guilty, to be wrong and admit her guilt and error. Getting the image wasn’t enough. Like a weed, I had to get to the root to the why. I took myself deeper. I arrived at the point of inception. I found the original cause and saw the truth. I could feel the tension in my gut ease and my energy shift. I returned to the courtroom and spoke to Mom. I apologized for putting her on trial and for trying to force a confession out of her. I told her that she was guilty of the assertions but not for the reasons set forth. She was correct. I sent her into the light. I spoke to the fragment of myself and explained that even though her assertions were correct, Mom wasn’t guilty of the charges. Both of them were all at once correct, innocent and guilty. I told her it was time to leave. I filled the room with light and let it dissolve. Together, we returned to my consciousness. Read the rest of this entry →