Why Am I Holding On To This? – Let It Go!

“Hanging Out”

“Up, Up & Away”

“Glow”

The past two weeks have been really quiet.  There haven’t been any overwhelming emotional episodes.  As Friday, Jan 6^th, approached, I began to panic because I didn’t have anything to write for the next post.  The prior emotional upheavals gave me plenty to think about and insights to share.  Now that my life had quieted down, the lessons and insights seemed to come to a halt.  It gave me the opportunity to question my motivation and commitment to writing the blog.  Though, I couldn’t answer all the whys I did know what I wanted.  I don’t want the blog to be a weekly public diary summarizing my daily life.  I want to share insights and lessons I’m learning.  I want to be an example of a person that tries to live a conscious life.  For me, that means that I am a person trying to live my life from the perspective that I am totally responsible for the quality and character of my life.  There are no accidents or coincidences.  I am not a victim but a student, learning through the experiences that arise from interacting and relating to others.  Nevertheless, I was down on myself for not having a post.  I was beating myself up pretty bad by late Saturday evening.  It was between mental beatings that I heard the Voice in a very low whisper say, “Let it go.”

A New Me, New Perspective, & New Year

“Full Moon”

“Joy”

“Celebration”

This week was the calm after the storm.  There were no emotional eruptions or tidal waves to ride.  I was grateful.  I wondered how the revelations of the past two weeks affected me.  No sooner then I mentally formed the questions; the answers began to reveal themselves.

I was out running errands when I noticed that traffic was light for a Saturday.  All of the sudden I was aware of how I try to avoid something as unimportant as holiday shopping traffic.  It was the first time I’d heard from the Voice since the emotional eruptions and tidal waves began.

Voice:  The beliefs that began forming when you were 4 years old had you avoiding anything that might cause you any kind of discomfort.  Basically, they were trying to get you to avoid life.  Traffic and disappointments are part of life.  They’re part of living.  In order to avoid them, you have to avoid life.

Wow, is that what I’d been trying to do?  Had I subconsciously been influenced into trying to avoid living, avoiding life?  Was that the intention of those beliefs?  Was that their modus operandi?

Riding Emotional Waves

“High Waves on the Malecon”

“The Malecon”

“High Waves on the Malecon”

Last week I dealt with the false beliefs that had me feeling that I was unwanted, unloved, unwelcomed and an intruder.  I was determined to face them head-on.  I decided I would call my brother and invite myself over.  I saw it as an opportunity to be courageous, take action, face my fears, prove them to be false and that they were only true in my mind and heart but not in the minds and hearts of others.  Before I had a chance to take any action, my brother called and invited me over for dinner.  I was ecstatic and relieved.  The Universe was benevolent and showered me with grace.   Instead of my needing to take action, others were encouraged to act.  I took it as a sign that my recognition and acknowledgement of these long existing beliefs and emotions was the lesson I needed to learn.  No other action was required of me.  My brother’s invitation and the resulting evening demonstrated how incorrect my beliefs and feelings were.  I was overwhelmed with the beauty and simplicity of our gathering.  I was happy to be in the company of my sister-in-law’s brother as well as the rest of the family.  Like the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz, those false beliefs and emotions melted away like they too had been dowsed with a bucket of water.  I went home with my heart smiling and lighter in spirit.  Little did I know that it was the beginning not the end.